How to Be a More Romantic Man: Tips for Thoughtful Modern Relationships

“You’re not romantic enough.” Maybe you’ve heard that before, or feared that you might, even if your partner’s lips have stayed zipped. Romance, for men, gets tangled up with pressure, confusion, and sometimes the silly belief that heart-shaped balloons or fancy date nights are the only way to show you care. Here’s where most guys get tripped up: romance isn’t about the grand gesture. It’s about the details, the effort, and showing up fully in the moments that actually matter.

Why Romance Matters in Today’s Relationships

Romance isn’t dead—it’s just gotten a digital makeover. Look around and you’ll see the stats: a 2024 survey by Pew Research found that 77% of Canadians want more romance in their lives, yet nearly 48% of men admit they feel "awkward" being openly romantic. Why the disconnect? If I ask my friends here in Toronto, I hear the same theme again and again. Life gets noisy. Work, phones, TikTok dances, endless errands, random Instagram debates—somewhere in the blur, the spark fades into the background. But the truth is, nothing replaces the thrill of being truly seen and appreciated by the person you love.

What does romance actually do for our connections? According to the Gottman Institute, couples who share regular, small romantic acts report significantly higher relationship satisfaction and a lower risk of drifting apart. That’s not just good love science; it’s straight-up practical. And before you think it’s all just “emotional fluff,” check this out: couples who spend even 10 minutes, three times a week, focused on romantic connection are nearly 60% more likely to feel deeply bonded after five years, compared to those who don’t bother. Simple actions add up. Surprise is: it’s not about expensive gifts or over-the-top gestures. Tiny things—a well-timed hug, leaving a hand-written note (yes, with actual pen and paper), or making your partner’s morning coffee—are what grow that steady warmth.

Ethan, my own husband, gets this. He holds my hand on walks, even if the sidewalk’s slushy, and always asks about my day, for real, not just out of habit. I swear, that’s better than a dozen red roses (though you know, those don’t hurt either).

Listening: The Most Underrated Romantic Skill

I can’t say this loud enough: romance isn’t all about what you do, but how you tune in. Way too often, men forget the single most loving act—real listening. Ever notice how many relationships turn icy simply because someone stopped paying attention? According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in February 2025, partners who feel “really heard” twice a week are 70% more likely to rate their relationship as thriving.

So, what does real listening look like? Start with putting down your phone. Literally move it out of reach when you’re talking. Make eye contact. Ask questions, even if they’re basic: “Tell me more about that awful meeting.” “How did that make you feel?” Sounds simple, right? Yet most people admit they barely scratch the surface when their partner shares something important.

Here’s a tip: repeat back what you’ve heard, but in your own words. Not in a weird, job-interview way, but just to show you care. And don’t jump in to solve everything—sometimes all we want is to vent. If your partner talks about how exhausted she feels after a tough week, don’t leap into "Mr. Fix-It" mode. Try: "That sounds really rough, I hate that you’re feeling overwhelmed. Want some wine and a movie tonight?" That small pause changes everything.

Another sign you’re getting romance right on the listening front? You remember tiny things—her favorite type of takeout, the fact that she hates cilantro, the story about her childhood dog. Remember those details, and sprinkle them back into conversation or plans. Those memories act like invisible flowers, blooming all around your relationship. It’s not about being perfect. Just show that her words matter.

The Power of Genuine Small Gestures

Everyone talks about surprises and date nights, but the best kind of romance shows up in tiny, unstaged ways. Almost every time I ask women what makes them swoon, it’s never the stuff companies want you to buy. It’s little, honest things. After the 2024 lockdown here, so many Toronto couples said what mattered most was the partner who made dinner after a long day, or the guy who rubbed tired feet during Netflix binges.

Want to level up your own game? Try sprinkling these into your week:

• Send a message in the middle of the workday for no reason—just something sweet, even a dumb meme that reminds you of her.
• Bring her coffee exactly the way she likes it. Add a little note on the cup lid, even if it’s a silly doodle.
• Set up a playlist of songs she loves. Play it in the car, or while you cook dinner together.
• Learn (and use) small affectionate touches—squeeze her hand, kiss her on the forehead, tuck a stray hair behind her ear.
• Show up with her favorite snack, maybe even before she realizes she’s hungry.

You don’t have to nail all five at once. Pick one, and make it a regular thing. If you want a more data-driven nudge: a 2023 University of Waterloo survey found that couples who practiced these micro-gestures twice a week had a 45% higher intimacy score than those who only relied on traditional date nights. These aren’t earth-shaking changes. But they quietly shift how loved your partner feels.

The honest truth: real romance means being attentive outside of birthdays and anniversaries. Show up on random Tuesdays. Make a normal day feel like a holiday, just for a minute. That’s the stuff that builds real connection.

Communication, Effort, and Vulnerability

People love talking about communication, but they rarely mention the tricky part: being honest about your own feelings. Men, more than women, have been told to tough it out, say less, and act unfazed. But guess what? The hottest romantic move is letting your guard down. If you truly want your partner to feel connected, share what’s going on inside.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s the opposite of indifference. Start by admitting what scares you, or what motivates you. "I really missed you today." "That fight we had last week? I’m still thinking about it, and I’d like to work it out." Those moments open doors. If you’re not used to this, try baby steps: "I’m honestly nervous about that big meeting tomorrow. Could use a pep talk!" The magic here? You invite your partner into your world—and that’s the purest form of romance.

Effort also gets overlooked, as if it’s uncool to try too hard. Actually, noticing what needs attention and taking action is the heart of romance. Does she look stressed? Take something off her plate. Has she been hinting at wanting a little more help around the house? Don’t wait—step up without being asked. If you make a habit of treating your relationship like it matters (because it does), it can’t help but become more special.

Here’s a table breaking down some simple behaviors and their long-term effects, based on 2025 Canadian research on relationships:

Look, effort doesn’t mean stress. The more you lean in, the easier romance feels. Keep practicing, and soon you’ll find yourself doing these things out of genuine affection—not obligation.

Turning Everyday Moments Into Romantic Opportunities

Forget the movie stuff for a sec—those perfectly timed rain-soaked kisses and candlelit boat rides. The most memorable romance lives in your Tuesday afternoons, your grocery runs, the under-the-radar routines everybody else ignores. The trick is making the ordinary feel a little bit magic.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. During last February’s hard freeze, Ethan made a point of walking me to the subway every morning. We’d joke about the cold and shiver together, but those ten minutes felt like a thousand little gifts. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: presence is the present.

Try out these ideas:

• Turn off all screens after dinner. Play a board game or simply talk. No distractions. That tiny shift sends a massive signal.
• Text her a photo of something that made you think of her—a funny street sign, a weird coffee flavor, a memory from your phone’s gallery.
• Share your music with her on a rainy afternoon and ask why she loves her favorite songs.
• Compliment something real—not just her appearance, but the way she handles stressful days or tells stories.

Think about it this way: every day has a few blank spaces you can fill with connection. You don’t need poetry, grand speeches, or dramatic gestures. You just need the willingness to show up and treat your bond as something alive—something worth a little extra care.

If there’s one takeaway here, it’s this: romance isn’t about getting it perfect, or outdoing the movies. It’s about noticing, listening, and making the small moments count. If you start, even clumsily, you’re already ahead of most guys. And who knows? Those tiny efforts build something real—the sort of romance everyone wishes for but not everyone gets to have.

How to be more romantic as a man, then? Notice her. Listen. Show up again and again—no fancy script needed. Just heart. That’s all it takes.